Our past helps us understand the reality of the present. In the past, we may see the signs, or notice behaviors that were out of the ordinary for the person we lost. The past should be used as a tool; a tool to better understand the pain hidden beneath the surface of the person who died by suicide. The past helps us put meaning to our tragedy. It builds a narrative, and fills in the blanks. It is a useful tool. But that is all it is; a tool. We must accept that the past helps us understand, but it doesn’t change the present. The gaps that it fills in are not a result of us not seeing things for what they were. The gaps can only be filled in, because of what we know now. Allow yourself to fill in those gaps. Allow the past to help you build your narrative. But, continue to live forward. Allow the past to help HEAL you in the present, but remember that it doesn’t CHANGE the present.