This Memorial Day, we are sharing again a post by guest blogger Heather who lost her brother, a veteran of the U.S. Navy. She and her family still struggle with the reality of Lane’s death but hope to prevent others from experiencing a similar loss of a loved one.
I lost my brother Lane to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on April 23, 2015. He was one of the most loving, funny and caring men I’ve ever known. He truly was an amazing brother, friend and father. Like so many other families, we didn’t see this coming. Lane never showed us how deep his despair or pain ran, instead always giving us his smile and putting others before himself.
Lane served in the U.S. Navy for eight years and was deployed three times. He rarely spoke about those years he was deployed and, if he did, it was in a lighthearted way. But, he never told us he was diagnosed with PTSD. He stayed with my family in our home, went to work, spent time with his daughter and seemed like he was forging ahead.
I was working the day he passed. I talked to him twice, my husband went and checked on him, my mother talked to him and he fooled us all into thinking he was fine but tired. He did leave a journal with nine pages about how he felt and his mistakes and his hopes for his daughter. It’s full of pain and regret and things he couldn’t control. He shared thoughts on his past and what he thought would be his future.
Lane took his life in a motel room. My husband arrived on scene before me and met me at my car. I dropped to my knees and threw up. In one second, part of me was gone with him. The rest of our family had to drive six hours knowing he was gone from us. I would like to say that we are all doing well, but it’s far from true. We’ve accepted he’s gone but all of us are changed in ways that can never be fixed.
This did change my thinking though…. How many others like Lane are out there? How many other veterans or those battling PTSD are suffering in silence? A group of us started the Lane Logan Foundation and an annual memorial bike run to raise money for vets and help them obtain a companion pet. If we can help even one other family from suffering this loss then we are in a sense winning. While it won’t bring my brother back and it doesn’t lessen our pain, it’s a goal. I miss him everyday and I always will. You can learn more on the Lane Logan Memorial Facebook page.