When the shock of my father's suicide began to wear off, I became a rambling mess. My brain was on overdrive as I worked to process the events that had occurred a few short months prior. As I worked to sort out what had happened in my life, a common response surfaced. Over and over I was told, "There is nothing you could have done." Reflecting back on what I can remember of those days (they all seem a little blurry), I know that this response was ...
Suicide Left Me Behind
Every survivor is uniquely affected by their loss(es). There isn't a map to navigate the pain, as everyone's pain is different. We posted the below picture on social media a few weeks back and asked our followers to respond to following statement, "Suicide left me behind....and______. We wanted to share a few of the comments that were made. It speaks to the depth of the pain that one faces in the aftermath of a loss to suicide. It also ...
When Happiness and Sadness Collide
There are moments in the aftermath of a suicide loss where happiness and sadness collide. For many years I felt conflicted when sadness appeared during times that should be happy. I tried to stuff the sadness down, not acknowledging its presence. What I found was by burying the sadness, I wasn't able to experience the happiness. Why does it have to be happiness OR sadness? I have come to find out that it doesn't have to be one or the other. You ...
When Grief Hits at the Most Unexpected Time
So there I was, in the middle of a restaurant, crying on the shoulder of a dear friend who also lost her father to suicide. I just love when grief hits at the most unexpected time (insert sarcastic emoji here). I have to say, it has been years since I've found myself crying in the middle of a public place. This December will mark seven years since my dad took his life. I have found a great deal of healing on my journey. Of course I still miss ...
Suicide Innuendos-When to Speak Up.
Innuendos are everywhere. Like most things in life, we become sensitive to innuendos after we personally experience the pain that they cause. I know in my past I have used phrases like, "I want to kill myself" or made a gun with my hand and put it against my head. I didn't think twice about how they would impact someone who had lost a loved one to suicide. To me, they were harmless. Then I lost my dad to suicide, and innuendos appeared ...