We often hear from others that we are in "denial" in the weeks/months following a loss by suicide. I don't necessarily think we are in denial, instead I think we are just distracted. There are so many distractions after a death. Freezers are filled, phones never stop ringing. Slowly, week by week the meals stop coming, the phone stops ringing, and people begin to move on. When the distractions end, reality usually sets in. It can be ...
A Beautiful Lie-The Reality of Suicide
When I first read this quote it gave me goosebumps. I couldn't actually decide if I loved it or hated it. After thinking about it for a little while I realized why I loved it; it explains everything I feel about suicide. When someone dies by suicide we often question if we truly knew the person we lost. Very similar to the quote comparing life to "a beautiful lie." When the person dies in such a tragic manner, the life they lived just ...
Grief doesn’t have an Expiration Date
I often write about this notion that grief has a clear beginning and a clear ending. My desire to continue to write about this is driven by the consistent comments I get from other survivors about feeling like they are "not normal" for not moving forward at the pace that their inner circle deems appropriate. My advice? Stop talking to the people that make you feel like you should be further than you are. The energy you waste trying to explain ...
Seeing Past the Suicide
While this quote mentions the loss of a child, I think it applies to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide. I hate that when I start to talk about my dad, the room often becomes silent. I get those silent grins as people remember that my father died by suicide. Almost four years after losing my dad, I still feel like talking about him brings the mood down in the room. My father died at 62 years old. 62 years of life before his death. I ...
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear”
One of the most difficult aspects of the grief journey is learning to live without the person you lost. Unlike an anticipated death, suicide leaves you feeling helpless and alone. The plans you had for the future are crushed in an instant. While the future can be scary on its own, it can be even scarier after a loss by suicide. The world no longer makes sense. I believe that the grief journey is about rediscovering who you are. Who am I if ...
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