Fall brings with it some of the most wonderful holidays of the year. However, Halloween is one that can be difficult for many survivors to face. We already experience enough insensitive gestures and chatter in everyday life. This holiday is built around potential emotional triggers, making Halloween after a suicide especially hard. On the surface, it’s an innocent day, centered on costumes and candy, but some of the elaborate and gory decorations can really prompt undesirable feelings.
Ronnie Walker, founder of the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors, recently blogged about this topic and I found the acknowledgement of the issue to be comforting.
“For newer survivors, especially, Halloween is often a holiday to be ‘endured.’ New survivors have little emotional resilience and are in no mood for a party, especially one involving blood, gravestones or gore. They struggle with intense emotions, often feeling suffocated by their feelings. Generalized anxiety is frequently high for new survivors. They have experienced a real-life horror and are often haunted by their dreams.”
She goes on to say that, “it will not always be that way. Things do get easier with time, but in the beginning, each and every landmark day brings a deepened awareness of one’s loss.”
My “first” Halloween came just two months after my dad died. The idea of people happily displaying grave 
scenes in their yards or laying a stuffed/fake body on their porch (or worse) grossed me out. How could people be so insensitive? I saw this more while driving in Wisconsin or Michigan and not as much in my busy downtown Chicago neighborhood, which was good. I would agree with Ronnie’s sentiment about time helping with this issue. Nowadays, I still roll my eyes about many facets of Halloween, but it’s not as jarring to me. I just don’t ever see myself being one of those super-decorators…
I have heard some survivors share that they’ve approached neighbors or office managers who have set up “offensive” or “too-close-to-home” displays about potentially removing them in consideration of the way they lost their loved one. And, in those cases, people willingly obliged.
My advice would be, if you aren’t bothered by what you see or experience, then by all means it’s appropriate to take part in the festivities. But, if you do feel uncomfortable with any part of Halloween, it’s more than OK to say something (knowing you’re not alone) or to find something else to do that day. Perhaps instead of passing out candy, it’s going to dinner, yoga or a movie. And, instead of dressing up at the office party, it’s baking a treat to share.
However you choose to spend the day, just do what makes you feel most at ease. This may even change from year-to-year. Thinking of you all!
I agree that Halloween is a very difficult time. My son took his life 5 1/2 years ago by hanging. He did this in a park just down the street. Every Halloween, a club (which I won’t mention) uses that for their “Haunted Woods Hayride” which they have done for years. Knowing what really happened there, hearing the screams as they have bodies hanging from the trees (I have never gone but can surmise that this might be the case for that “spooky” atmosphere) is very difficult. I try not to listen and find other things away from home to do. Death has certainly taken on a new meaning, especially by suicide. I also have issues with the evilness and satanic side of this holiday too. I am fine with fall decorations, scarecrows, hay bales and pumpkins… the rest I can do without
Hi Patti – I completely understand and am so sorry you have to face this in the neighborhood! It’s amazing to me how one act in our lives can change the way we look at something so drastically. I am on the same page as you with appreciating fall decor and flavors but not much else.
This is an excellent and insightful post, Becky. As an outsider to the unique experiences and flury of emotions that those individuals who endured the death of their loved one from suicide go through on a daily basis, it did not occur to me that Halloween would be such a problematic trigger. After reading this, it totally makes sense, and I will think of this subject every Halloween hereafter. I can empathize with how the seemingly benign decorations and festivities of Halloween could bring such anxiety and distaste (and anger, sadness… e.t.c.) for those people like yourself, and as such, I will resolve to be more sensitive and conscientious about my own actions around this time of year (we’re big Halloween fans). Great post!
I agree also! My grandad took his own life by hanging himself and I went to a park on haloween where they had scary attractions.. I got put to the front of the line as you had to walk in single file I walked through and there were realistic bodies all around me hanging from rope.. I had a sudden panic attack and couldn’t stop they had to get me out in the end as I was nearly sick.. that was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had and all I saw was him I didn’t see the pretend bodies! Triggered the memories! All of my friends want me to go out clubbing for haloween but im worried it’ll pop up again and it’s probably not good for me! I find it very offensive!