This season, I wanted to share some of my favorite holiday memories of my dad. I spend so much time on the blog talking about the way he died and about suicide in general that I’d like to keep this one on a lighter note.
- Christmas was all about family to him. When the time came to decorate the tree, he wanted it to be a family affair. He’d put on Christmas songs and bring boxes of unique ornaments down from the attic. He
really enjoyed recollecting the memories of how each ornament was procured and the discussion that followed about where the prized ones should be placed. In my teen years, this became a major eye-roll for me, but I now appreciate the significance it had for him. - My brother and I never wanted for anything at Christmas time. We always awoke to find a massive display of gifts. Inevitably each year, there was always one “must have” item. My dad had a way of hiding and saving that one for last – even when we thought we had gotten through all of the packages. He’d hide them, assembled, in another room or whip them out from under the couch. I remember one year he hid baby-sized piñatas under a couch to surprise us with a vacation to Mexico. Another year, he hid a new pink 10-speed bike in the basement with a huge red bow on top.
- He always wanted to give “more,” to the point of being overboard. It wasn’t uncommon for my dad to run out on Christmas Eve for “one last shopping trip” because he didn’t think the dozens of presents under the tree were enough. He took so much pride in giving and wanted to make sure Christmas was a memorable one for my mom, brother and me every year. It always was.
- He always wanted to have family photo shoots for our annual Christmas card. See the evidence above from one particularly “scratchy” ensemble.
- He wouldn’t let us come downstairs to see what Santa brought until he was staged by the tree with his video camera. He was all about capturing the moment!
- He relished traditions and memories of the past. On many a Christmas Eve, we would watch old home movies, shot with his beta recorder. It was a way for him to watch our excitement as young kids, as well as soak up the memories of his own parents, who passed away many years earlier. I always enjoyed this part of the night.
- He carried on his own family’s tradition of ordering and serving Chinese food on Christmas Eve. I believe this started back with his great-grandparents because they didn’t want the women to have to cook. He always ordered dishes that were super unappetizing to others (and possibly himself) because it was what they ordered back then. I think he was willing to sacrifice taste to carry on the tradition.
- He left no stone unturned. He really liked playing the role of Santa. He’d leave a fireplace log askew to illustrate that Santa was definitely in the house, or bite the end of a carrot and toss the rest outside and tell us Rudolph dropped it on his way to the next home.
- We’d pack into the car to head to our church’s candlelit service. He always loved singing the carols and making sure we knew what Christmas was all about. He even loved to give back by being a Salvation Army bell ringer.
I could go on! Sometimes I wonder if our growing up and going off to be with significant others at Christmas or the rolling of our eyes at his traditions contributed to his depression in later years. I’d like to think not, but it’s still so hard to digest how someone who was so happy and full of life for 63 years could have just changed on a dime at 64. I keep a notebook and jot down memories of my dad like this from time to time so that I don’t forget them. I’m always worried about that happening!
I’ve started a couple new traditions in his memory that help to keep his spirit with me during this time of year. In place of gifts I would have given him, I donate the money to charities that mean something to him and to his beloved church. Additionally, I have taken up his ornament habit. (Who would have thought?!) In addition to using some of his favorites, I’ve begun to procure them throughout the year and enjoy recollecting the stories that come with them. I’ve even purchased some that remind me of him. He really liked watching birds out the window as he ate breakfast in the morning. Last year, I bought a bright red cardinal and put it right at the top.
This will always be a difficult time for me, but reminiscing about the lifetime of great memories helps to keep the heart and spirit of Christmas alive. How do you remember your loved one this time of year? Or, do you have any favorite memories to share?
My Dad was not a tree decorator. He put up one ornament–his job was to take down what my mom, and later my sister and I created. But a hard thing for my Mom this year was not seeing my Dad walk by the living room and comment on the tree’s progress. Dad’s special task at Christmas was at Christmas Eve. He sang in the church choir at midnight mass, then we would come home, open our Christmas pajamas and then Dad would read to us. He would read the Night Before Christmas and Luke 2 from his huge Bible. My Dad liked birds too! We have a Blue Jay that he got for Christmas on the tree last year. And my Mom got us all Egg Nog Moose Mugs from Dad’s favorite Christmas movie Christmas Vacation, so it’s been an emotional, but good start to Christmas tonight
Thank you for sharing! Those sound like beautiful memories and the sentimentality reminds me of my dad. It still shocks me that men who were so full of life and love could turn to what they did 🙁