I hate that we have created this notion that grief has a clear beginning and a clear ending. It is an expectation that sets us up for failure. I have spoken with a number of survivors who talk about feeling “stuck” in their grief. They go on to discuss how they still have moments of sadness, moments when they cry, and moments of anger or rage toward the loved one that they lost. Is this grief, absolutely. But, it is also a part of being human. Setting the expectation that you will not experience sadness, anger, hurt, or shame when you think about the loved one you lost, is like chasing a moving target. It just isn’t attainable. At least not if you are human. Our grief often dominates our day in the beginning, but in time it starts to become less strong. Understanding that our grief does not end, can help us acknowledge the progress we have made, and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel in order to heal and begin to move forward.
Agreed.
Something this profound changes you forever, there is not “going back” to that former normal. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date; it becomes a part of you – integrated into how you approach the world, your emotions, but not gone. This is true for so many things that happen in life, actually. You don’t go back, but you can go on.
This is so true. You have to work towards a certain amt. of closer, you will never get complete closer, but you will learn to live with it and think about your loved one without crying every time. It has been 5 years now and now I can think of him and can talk about him without breaking down. I still love my grandson but I can think of the good times now even though I miss him terribly.
I agree 100%
This article really touched me deeply. I want to copy it and paste it to my wall on Facebook but I don’t want to pilfer what Jessica has written.
Its been 7 years since I lost my brother. I miss him so much. I don’t cry every time I talk about him. Alone I will burst into tears although the frequency has diminished . I can think of him with love and not cry. He’s my guardian angel and I love him with all my heart.