There comes a point in our grief journey when the pain all of a sudden feels real. Maybe it is the denial lifting, the distractions ending, or our heart finally catching up to our brain. We wake up asking ourselves, “When will this pain end?” Nobody likes pain. If we have a headache, we take an Advil. 
When a bone breaks, it is casted in order to heal, and we are given something to ease the pain. Pain is not something we are comfortable. And why should we be? Who wants to sit in pain? The problem with the pain following a suicide loss, is there isn’t a cure. There is no magic medication, or a way to take away the pain. We have to feel it, to heal it. Don’t try to mask the pain; don’t deny that it is there. Allow yourself to feel. Surround yourself with others who allow you to feel, and offer you comfort and support. Most importantly, know that you are not alone.
I lost my son 3 years ago, out of the blue. This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured. I am haunted by grief, anger, still cant sleep, replaying daily, hourly over and over again. still trying to just live day by day, sometimes minute to minute.