Mourning the loss of a loved one to suicide is hard. Not just because it is unexpected, but because there is no manual telling us what is right and wrong. If we cry too often we feel we are stuck. If we don’t cry enough, we feel like we are in denial. The thing about grief is that there is no manual; no right or wrong way. We all need to do what we need to do to get through the day. I often tell the people I work with that not thinking about the person we lost can be healthy. 
While feeling the pain is healthy and necessary, it does not need to be consuming. If we need to take the pictures down at work in order to get through the day that is ok. In fact, that is a healthy way to cope. Sometimes we need to take a break from the pain. Just make sure not to completely check out. Allow yourself time to cry, time to feel, and time to heal. I remember after my dad’s suicide I would come home from work, curl up in a blanket on the couch, and read a book related to suicide. I would cry and cry. My husband would tell me to, “stop reading that book” because in his eyes it was just making me feel awful. What I had to explain to him was that this is what I needed. I needed to read the book that made me feel the pain of my dad’s suicide. I needed to cry, because crying helped me release the pain. Was I broken? Absolutely. But I was also healing. And in order to do that, sometimes we just need to sit and cry.
This hits home. My 16 year old son committed suicide 9.24.15…by hanging. I found him. I find myself feeling as if I am going crazy. Some days I feel as if I can’t get out of bed. Other days I am fine. I question myself when I don’t cry..I feel guilty….
We are so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself as this is still very new. Also be vigilant of any signs of PTSD, since you were the one to find your dear son. I have worked with a number of survivors who often need to work through the trauma before they could work through the grief. I am sending hugs through the computer and hoping that we can continue to offer you support on your grief journey.
I appreciate reading your posts Jessica. I am also a (mental health) therapist and had the incredibly painful experience of losing my husband of 20 years to suicide 7 months ago.
Although he struggled with a compulsive behavior that I discovered in May 2014…going to therapy (individually and as a couple), trying to repair the trust that I lost in him and ultimately asking him for a divorce (2 days before he decided to end his life) has left me struggling with complicated grief and guilt. I miss him terribly, I did love him deeply and pictures and reminders are still just too painful to revisit.
People that were “our” friends knew nothing of his addiction or our relationship damage and were shocked about me asking for a divorce and his ending his life right after. I feel lost, I feel lonely and generally heartbroken.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I actually worked with a woman who’s story is so similar. She too asked her husband for a divorce after decades of marriage and shortly after he ended his life. I wish I could take away the pain and guilt you are experiencing. Have you looked into support groups in your area? I have found that connecting with other survivors is a life savor. There is so much I want to say to you as I feel like I know exactly what you are feeling! I do hope my posts continue to offer you support during this difficult time.