From an outside perspective, it can look like we are giving up after a loss by suicide. The tears keep falling, phone calls go unanswered, plans get cancelled. 
Are we giving up the fight? No. We are learning how to live again. In essence, we are starting over. Suicide changes everything you know to be true about the world. Recently, I spoke about what constitutes a traumatic loss, and how the grief process differs from that of a natural loss. I described a natural death as “having your boat rocked.” Grief challenges you to navigate your boat through rocky waters. In comparison, a traumatic loss like a suicide, completely tips over your boat. Not only are you trying to stay afloat in the middle of rocky waters, but you are trying to turn your boat over and get yourself back in. We are learning to swim, learning to persevere, and learning navigate through a storm we never thought we would face. While that experience can teach us a lot about ourselves and the world we live in, it also exhausts us, confuses us and scares the heck out of us. So give yourself a break. Be gentle on yourself, and remember you aren’t giving up, you are learning how to live in your new normal.
I agree with this 100%. It’s been 3 years since my husband took his life and I have now just gotten back on my feet.
Unknown to me at the time, I was pregnant with our son when he passed away. I didn’t only have to deal with the death of my husband, but I also had to deal with the fact that I was going to be a mother for the first time and do it all alone.
To the outside world it looked like I was coping well. On the inside I was sinking and your description is perfect. My boat had tipped over and I was trying to get back on because I had to survive for the life that was in me.
I have now managed to get back on my feet, not only financially but also mentally. No one really ‘gets’ it and it’s very hard to explain. I have finally come to peace with my husbands suicide. Even though the unanswered questions are there, I have come to accept that I won’t have the answers…ever.
I have finally returned to work after 2 1/2 years because I was petrified that something horrible was going to happen to my son. I finally have moved into my own home (I went and lived with my parents after his death).
I finally have me back…however in saying that I don’t see the world as I used to.
Thank you for your story. It is inspiring to others to hear stories of survivors who have been able to put their life back together. It certainly is not easy, especially with a newborn!
Best way to put it I’ve ever seen. Lost my 2 best friends in 2012 and I’m still recovering from it.
It certainly is an ongoing process. I am happy that my words resonated with you. Just knowing that someone else gets it can be helpful as we work through the loss we have experienced.
I’m still learning. Lost my 16 year old forever so, Frankie on October 15, 2013. The guilt that I didn’t know my son needed help, and for his sister, 12 at the time, was the one to find him….I don’t know if I will ever be able to find a new normal. It’s a vicious cycle. Just when I think I’m doing better, I slide back down the abyss. Many of my friends, don’t understand it. 🙁
It is hard to understand unless you have experienced a loss like this. Grief doesn’t have a clear beginning and a clear ending. The pain never fully goes away, it just becomes less present and less heavy. We hope to continue to offer you support when you are feeling alone.