Finding closure after suicide seems impossible. We don’t have time to say goodbye. We don’t have time to process that this individual will not be a part of our future. 
In an instant their life has ended, and their physical presence has been taken away from us. Their pain ended, and ours begins. There is simply no way to prepare for the pain that follows a suicide. While my dad was ready to leave this world, I was not ready to let him go. I believe this is what mourning is. Not only are we working to determine what this loss means about us and our future, but we are trying to get ourselves to let the person go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting; it means allowing them to be free and allowing ourselves to look forward instead of back. Regret lives in the past, hope lives in the future.
It’s hard to accept the physical loss and the sudden omission of our loved one’s presence from our lives.
All we are left with are memories of them from the past while we have to carry on into the future.
A grief counselor shared that what was once a physical relationship becomes spiritual and emotional.
It’s a tough shift to make and I am still finding ways to be comfortable with it.
Closure? Not when its your child–my son. So very unexpected. Not when you’re the one that found his body. It has been over six years and even with continued counseling, working in the awareness field as a speaker, and much increased knowledge obtained, I still grieve my son deeply and there is not a moment he is not on my mind. My journey has been very spiritual, and taken me down many paths, but there is absolutely no closure.
Dear Mary,
I am so sorry about your loss and the pain you continue to feel. Each of us has experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide and it is not easy at all to accept it or feel closure. I lost my beloved boyfriend less than a month ago. The hardest part is facing an empty future without him when we had so many plans.
On another post on this website a member included a link to this very helpful article:
http://academicdepartments.musc.edu/pr/newscenter/2014/suicide.html#.VwFKUmPw-Ru
It helped me understand that my boyfriend was not thinking clearly at the time. And sadly, many men do not reach out to get the help they need for depression or other issues before making a decision to end their lives. Please know you are not alone. I admire you for raising awareness about this topic.
Thank you for the link Christina. I am very sorry for your loss. Oh, I am so aware that my son was not in his right mind. As our priest said, “human’s are wired to survive; killing ones-self if very difficult to do, and no one in a healthy mind can do so. Only God knows the pain they were in, and he is a very loving Father.” Blessings to you.
Mary,
i lost my 15yr old daughter last september and also found her. I have some days that i feel her with me. i have also become more spiritual and talk to whoever i can that will listen. I know I’ve made changes.
I’m still very fresh compared to your journey but I agree, there will absolutely be no closure. Just different reminders. I’m an officer and just found out a fellow officer with whom i worked with for several years committed suicide yesterday. Now, I’m preparing myself for all the comments that people are gonna be making. the “Whys? Hows? What a selfish act”…blah blah. Because suicide is never going to go away, we won’t have closure. we can move forward but that’s about it
Dear Mary,
Sorry to hear about your loss. I fully understand the feeling. My son took his own life 5 months ago the day before his 21st birthday and I found his body. There will never be closure for me. I live my life everyday with my son in my thoughts. My spiritual belief is very strong and this is what gets me through.
I’m pretty fresh. Coming up to 8 months. I too have taken a spiritual journal and am throwing myself into awareness. It’s scary to know that years later, there will still be a possibility that I won’t heal. I’m hoping for peace and tranquility at some point.
I hope you will find that peace. Until then, it’s a great thing that you’re doing for yourself and others. That’s you’re job here on earth. Your son was here and allowed you to love in a Neverending way.
Best wishes
Lisa
I agree with Mary – there is no closure. I have had counselling, joined self help groups, meditation, etc. I have journeyed a long way from the beginning but there is no closure. It is 10 years and Brandy is always on my mind. You learn to live a different life from what life was before the suicide of your child, you have to in order to heal but it is always there – no closure and there never will be for me.
I think closure is similar to acceptance; it is al relative, and often unattainable. Life after a loss by suicide is completely different than the life lived prior. It changes who you are, and how you see the world. Does the pain go away? No. But, it can become more tolerable, as we learn how to incorporate the loss into our story. We can continue to live life with the person we lost; the relationship just looks different than it did before.
It’s been just 5 months since my daughter took her own life 2 months before her 18th birthday. I can’t imagine closure. I have had good days, but mostly because I was busy with some great distraction. I find hope, but not closure.
Dear Jo,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I can’t imagine losing a child. I have read so many stories of children losing parents and parents losing children on this site and my heart breaks for everyone who is experiencing pain and suffering after these tragedies. I lost my boyfriend to suicide in March of this year which has caused me excruciating anguish. Suicide is so hard because there is no closure and we have no idea what went through their minds before their decisions. I do know my boyfriend was not in his right mind and he would feel terrible knowing how many people he hurt when he left us behind. I like your message of finding hope.
To me there has been no closure. Only a new reality filled with pain and sadness. I lost my dad to suicide November 7, 2000, then 14 years later to the day, November 7, 2014 , my daughter took her own life. I am more than devastated and for the longest time I would keep contemplating suicide myself and came very close when my drug addict/mentally ill wife that I have been trying hard to help (not my daughter’s mom) left me right before Christmas 2015. I am just now beginning to grieve my daughter’s death now that I am not occupied with my wife’s shenanigans. I will never be the same and I will never be over this fully. I do however feel there is hope for the future.
Dear Tommy,
I am so sorry to hear about the double loss you have experienced in addition to other trauma you have faced. I am glad you feel there is hope for the future. If you ever feel suicidal again please reach out for help.
I don’t ever expect full closure. I mean how can one really get over something like this? I lost my 20 year old son, and only biological child to a self inflicted gunshot wound in his bedroom where my wife, and I found him 18 months ago. We were completely blindsided, and the scene we walked into that night was utterly horrific.
He had struggled in school, but seemed to be doing much better the his last year. He had gotten his EMT, and just got a new job at an Ambulance transport company when he ended his life.. There was no note, no warning, no answers.
We found out a few months later his ex girlfriend knew he had been suicidal for years. He told her how he wanted to do it, why, his original timeline…. She kept his secret, and then dumped him for the very anxiety\depression issues that killed him. She thought she had talked him out of it. She told us she broke up with him a year before he completed suicide was to toughen him up. I am still angry with her. I will go to my grave believing if she had not kept his secret we might very well have been able to save him from himself.
He also saw a therapist for 2 years while in high school that never discussed his suicide potential, prevention with us, screened him for it… Found out later suicide prevention training is not required for all mental health professionals in grad school in the state I live.
It does not hurt as much anymore, but not a single day, hour goes by that I do not mourn his loss. I am not a spiritual person, nor convinced of life after death. I carry on for the loved ones in my life. I have hope it will continue to get better with the passage of time, but never totally disappear.
Hope? There is no hope since my only child ended her life. What could I possibly hope for? She is all that I want.