Guilt and suicide. Two words that often go hand in hand after a tragic loss. Predominantly it is in the context of what we wish we could have done to prevent our loved ones’ suicide. But, there is another type of guilt. The guilt we feel when we allow ourselves to experience happiness and joy. It is ok to be happy. It is ok to laugh. Embrace it, do not fight it.
So much easier said than done, I’m afraid. I’m afraid if I begin to feel some happiness that it will signal to others I am forgetting the pain of missing him-everyone around me will think I’m “alright now” and finally moving past this suicide of my son.
Absolutely agree Karie. The fear of being happy again creates a strong presence in our lives. Being happy doesn’t mean forgetting. It just means that we are allowing ourselves to feel some joy again. But yes, easier said than done. I can say with all honesty that I understand.
My brother passed away three years ago, 9/19/12. This was past weekend I was surrounded by friends and I experienced happiness. I let myself enjoy my current moment.
Good for you Cindy!
Of course it’s okay to be happy again. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want him or her to remain unhappy for the rest of their lives? You CAN mourn someone’s death, feel the loss and pain but still have moments of happiness. It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting, it means you’re healing.
Exactly!
I, too, sometimes feel guilty when I experience some happiness; but am so thankful that I am able to feel something other than sorrow. Even if it is just for a short time. Look for the small miracles that help to ease your pain. Mine is a stray blonde, male tabby cat. He showed up at my house after my son died a year ago. I am NOT a cat person! I am allergic to the point of my eyes turning to jelly. Not with this cat. He is so sweet and loving, just purrs and rubs on me all the time. It is so comforting to have him in my life now. He shows up at 4:50 p.m. everyday for dinner and hangs around until I go sit with him for awhile after dark. I have a porch railing very close to my kitchen window which I keep cracked. He will come to the window and let me know that he is ready for his bedtime half and half. Not only does he have my son’s loving spirit, but also has his beautiful green eyes that appear to see into the depths of my soul. And today is my birthday. Johnny, no matter where he was, even while in Afghanistan would send me flowers. Obviously, that will never happen again…but my cat has been outside all day today. Even in the rain. Thanks for listening.
I love this story Donna! I am a believer that our loved ones send signs, or appear in our present life. This gives further validation to my belief. I just adore this cat…and I too am not a cat person:)
When you live with the guilt from not being able to stop this from happening the guilt of “living” or enjoying a happy life is that much harder of course. For me being over a half century old and having lost children (who hadnt had a chance to live a full life at all) to this unmercilous tragedy, makes it even that much harder still. My counselor, when I am not feeling worthy to go on, reminds me or asks “What would THEY want for me to do” . The answer to this question is the biggest reason I can move forward at all. I know I must LIVE for them and also know I must do it in the best and most honorable way I can or know how!
this is EXACTLY how I feel. My daughter passed away on 4/27/2015. I am just now coming out of the fog of shock. I have 2 sons,one of whom is in college and plays football. The other actively in Boy Scouts,and sports k high school. I feel like sometimes of Im happy,people will think Im forgetting about Jade or how she passed away. I am there for my boys,and support them,but its so damn hard because Jade is always on my mind. I find myself saying …oh Jade wouldve loved this, or Jade wouldve been so proud of her brothers….I just cant…no matter what but fully happy.