Guest blogger Jennifer McGregor shares a factual and empathetic post that may be helpful for those newly bereaved by suicide or who wish to educate others about what they’re feeling in the wake of losing a loved one. Remember, we’re never alone in our grief.
Facing the Suicide of a Loved One
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, and for every completed suicide, 25 others attempt suicide. These are concerning and eye-opening statistics. But what happens if it’s your loved one? Some have said that suicide is like a “grenade going off within a family or community.” There is profound grief and the future is unknown. The unknown can be frightening, but there is a future for the family and friend survivors of suicide. The following offers some insights into what you may face when mourning the suicide of a loved one.
The Trauma of Suicide
Surviving family and friends of a loved one’s suicide often feel overwhelmed, and often paralyzing, guilt, grief, anger, and sadness about the suicide of their loved one. These are very common emotions after a suicide.
While the emotional experience is unique to everyone, reading the words of those who have endured these tragedies can offer some insight into the many varied emotions and the depth of the grief experienced by survivors, such as the following quotes:
- “While I manage to get through the days—because I have to—I’m mired in guilt and grief and just don’t see any reason to go on myself.”
- “I’m not angry with my son. I’m angry that a death occurred and that the death was a suicide. I’m angry that I can’t cope with my grief. I’m angry that everyone’s life is going on and mine is not. I’m angry that I did not see this coming…”
- “When he took his life, I am sure that he did not think for one minute about the consequences of what he was about to do. He would not have thought about how I wake every night with thoughts running through my head about his death, the pain, the anger.”
- “The pain is just overwhelming. At times it takes my breath away and I think how can I survive? This is just too much to be able to bear.”
For some, these emotions will be immediate, but for others it could take months or even years to process the many emotions a surviving loved one is likely to encounter throughout the grieving and healing process. Some emotions will come together; some will be felt separately. Survivors may even feel anger, and work through that anger, only to feel that emotion again in the future.
Mourning the Loss
Support is crucial when it comes to the death of a loved one, especially when it’s a death by suicide. Mental illness is usually the reason for taking one’s own life, and though it may be hard, it’s important to avoid judgment and try to understand the individual’s death.
Although there is sometimes a stigma associated with suicide, talking about your loss is an important part of the grieving process. Rella Kaplowitz, who lost her brother to suicide, stated that other people who’d lost loved ones to suicide, but kept it hidden, came up to her and told her how courageous she was for coming forward with the truth. She notes that being able to talk about the loss is a keep step toward being able to move on after losing someone to suicide.
Living with the Pain
Seeking support through spirituality and support groups is helpful for most people when grieving a loss. It is also necessary to be aware of any future signs from loved ones that they may be experiencing some suicidal feelings, especially those who are also grieving.
Help your loved one seek help, whether it’s for alcohol abuse, drug abuse, addiction, or mental illness. There is no way to predict how an individual will cope with the suicide of a loved one. Remember that the grief and pain every person feels is unique.
About the Author
Jennifer McGregor is the co-creator of PublicHealthLibrary.org, which was made for one of her pre-med classes as a project. With the site, she intends to provide various resources pertaining to medical inquiries and general health. When Jennifer is not busy being a student, she enjoys walking her dog through the park.
