One of the most difficult aspects of the grief journey is learning to live without the person you lost. Unlike an anticipated death, suicide leaves you feeling helpless and alone. The plans you had for the future are crushed in an instant. While the future can be scary on its own, it can be even scarier after a loss by suicide. The world no longer makes sense. 
I believe that the grief journey is about rediscovering who you are. Who am I if I am no longer someone’s wife, sister, mother, daughter, etc. The unknown is scary. Traveling down a path where the destination is not clear is not easy; however, we have to go down the path to rebuild ourselves and our life. When we face our fears, we often come out stronger, and more enlightened than we were before. It just takes time.
Just read “No one told me” and I couldn’t agree more. I’ve had people tell me that death is death no matter how it happens. This may be true, but losing my brother and only sibling to suicide has left a whole in my heart and a pain like no other I’ve ever had to endure. Suicide ended my brother’s pain but it left me with a pain with no end. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere now. But I’m finding my way…moment by moment…
That to me is what the grief journey is about…finding your way, and finding yourself again!
Wonderfully written!
No one told me either. My pal & I used to lean on each other a lot as well. When that bond is gone you feel empty as hell. The shoulder I used to lean on is gone and I feel less needed at the same time. It’s a double whammy for sure. For awhile your soul feels like an ugly vacant lot.
That is exactly how I feel. It has been 6 months since I lost my husband to suicide. On top living each day with a gigantic hole inside of me I constantly feel displaced. I am slowly accepting the fact that I will never be the same person I was before I lost my husband. Every day is a new journey that I now find myself on to find myself again.
well…..yeah, living in a blatantly ignorant society is scary. The reason why our loved ones are gone is because of blatant ignorance! Ones you get that and realize it’s the pulse of time and you have no control over that and are just as involved (that’s why you didn’t ever get the notion your loved one could die by suicide) in the big soup of general thought and behavior, it gets a bit easier.
As long as we cannot accept mental illness as something as normal as the common cold, it won’t get any better. We have to get educated about it, we have to talk about, otherwise we continue to lose them.
((hugs)) and much love to all of you.
Well said. As a mom loosing my daughter I still feel at times it was some my fault. A mother should see the clues. Especially one who suffers severe depression at times. I’ve been judged by others for years . I didn’t realize when I was first diagnosed at 30 that there was such a stigma attached . I learned real fast to not share that part of me with many. Of course my children seen it and knew. I didn’t dare speak the word Prozac. People would have really had a feild day in the small town where we used to live gossip mill. I was probably in my late 40s when if something came up or maybe I needed to explain my weird personality that’s up and down to someone. I’m no longer ashamed. And my daughter was having an emotional overload the Friday before she passed that Monday . We talked a long time Friday and then Saturday . She seemed more clear headed and not as emotional. I had no idea life for her had become unbarrealable. Racheal MCCown Stewart 2-3-14 forever 30.