We often hear from others that we are in “denial” in the weeks/months following a loss by suicide. I don’t necessarily think we are in denial, instead I think we are just distracted. There are so many distractions after a death. 
Freezers are filled, phones never stop ringing. Slowly, week by week the meals stop coming, the phone stops ringing, and people begin to move on. When the distractions end, reality usually sets in. It can be isolating as you often feel the magnitude of your loss after the distractions end. When people ask my advice on how they can support someone who just lost someone to suicide I tell them, “be there when nobody else is.” That is when we really need you.
Tips on how to support someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. Please share so others won’t feel so alone in their pain.
Amen! After the funeral, I felt like everyone moved on w their lives and we never heard our loved one’s name again. We felt so alone and forgotten.
I stayed with my son and daughter-in-law for two weeks after their son died. I knew they were having a hard time after everyone went home. Sometimes the silence is the worst time and most painful.
Sorry meant grand son died!!!
Excellent article yet again Jessica! In my experiences with suicide loss having others comment,
” Kimberle, you need to stop denying what happened and deal with it.”
I used to get very angry, then through my own healing work and gaining knowledge that as you know traumatic loss has its own grieving process unlike any other loss.
What is perceived as “denial” is in my experiences actually part of the process.
Thank you for bringing this out in the light of discussion!
In Gratitude,
Kimbere
I often wonder this very thing. I never know if I’m believing he’s on vacation, we aren’t together anymore or where my head is at. I’ve found peace by recognizing that I am not either, sometimes I am just living in the present.
My Mum was saying the very same thing yesterday. She gave me a few packets if biscuits because “Noone ever cones here” (meaning her house). Even my Dad’said cousins don’t bother visiting or even phoning (they were there for us until Dads funeral and that’s it).
Oh gosh. wishing I had checked my spelling on my post 🙁
I have been there! We know what you meant:)
My friends have been pretty good about staying in touch, but not good about talking about my husband.
My husband’s co-workers, one checks in every great once in a while.
My daughter keeps me so busy– I crave quietness the time to be with my thoughts and time to talk with my husband.
I love talking about my husband and stories about my husband.
I miss him so much, 9 months 10 days
I love that you continue to talk not only about your husband but to your husband! We often believe that our relationships end when our loved one dies. It doesn’t not end, it just changes. Figuring out how to navigate the new relationship is part of the process. Keep on talking!!
Everyone left to never be seen again during the worst of our times. We had no other choice then to take matters into our own hands. We did – more or less successfully. Believe me, I was never in denial about what happened, I was in deep shock, my brain went haywire, I had no control over my thoughts or feelings. This sat after the funeral – when we were left alone. 3 weeks later I made it out of the front door, guess how I was met? Faces of disbelief with the words “What are you doing here?” We moved a few weeks later.
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