Fear Has New Meaning

Fear has new meaning after losing a loved one to suicide. The first year without my dad was one of the most difficult. At first, I thought it was because he left this world in such a violent manner. Yet, as I look back I realize that my pain was enhanced by the energy I put into running from my pain. The guilt, the fear, the sadness, the pain; it was all too much. I believed that if I ran fast enough, the pain would eventually diminish. What I found was that the pain didn’t diminish; it grew stronger and had more of a presence in my daily life. It wasn’t until l faced the fear that the pain began to become less fierce. Was it easy? Absolutely not. And truly, I think I had to run for awhile to realize how pointless it was. In my opinion, it is ok to run awhile. Just make sure to stop for a water break, and ask yourself, “Is this really working?”