Talking about our loved ones after their death is especially difficult after a suicide. Not only is it painful for the survivor of the loss, but we have the added bonus of the other persons discomfort. 
That “Oh my gosh, what do I say” face. I think the most frustrating thing for me is the feeling that I have after. This overwhelming sense that I need to defend my dad’s character. I have a wide array of stories about my dad, and still to this day the room gets a little quieter when I talk about him. Why does suicide make people so uncomfortable? Can’t you look past the manner in which he died? If he died of natural causes would you still fall silent when I talk about him? I am not sure they would. This is one of the reasons I continue to talk about my dad. Not just because I want to, but because I hope that it helps people become more comfortable with suicide. Suicide is the means, mental illness is what took their life. My dad’s heart stopped beating just like anyone else who died. His pain was just a little less obvious. I encourage you all to keep talking. Tell stories. It isn’t just good for you, it is good for the world.
I know what you mean Jessica. My wife was loved by so many and the shock of how she died resonates with people in a manner that they cannot believe it either. So when people ask about how she died, I always say she passed away due to Depression. Depression is the disease that led to the manner of her death.
I then go onto mention her as loved one who is missed and bring up those special stories that I can share with anyone who knew her. We keep her spirit alive knowing that she left an imprint on all of us.
I also just had a talk with my son about this this morning. He had a dream about how he was being blamed about his Moms death. It made me sad but it also gave me an opening to talk with him and reassure him that he no responsibility for his Moms death. By talking this morning he was able to shed some of his sadness and get a better piece of mind about the situation. We also began to reminiscence about her and even were able to laugh a little about the things she did that brought light into our life.
I believe talking about our loved ones as important people in our lives and not tragic losses helps to soften the initial reaction of those around us. They then understand that it was who they are that is important not how they left this earth.
This article is so on point. I just shared it on my site and on facebook. The awkward silences, or abruptly changed subjects when I bring up my brother, just eat me up inside.
I appreciate your heartfelt reflective questions. Your love for your father still lives on in you and there is no need to hide it. I think the listeners are uncomfortable because they don’t have a lot of practice with this type of conversation. You are bravely offering this practice. Thank you.