Guest writer, Kimberly Starr, reminds us of the unexpected surprises that we encounter after the loss of a loved one. It is often the unexpected that knocks us off our feet. In my own experience I have found that it is about embracing these little surprises. They are reminders of the time spent with the person we lost. May we always receive these little reminders, and take a minute to acknowledge the memories we made with our loved one.
Earlier this week, before leaving for work one morning, I was struggling to put away a seldom-used cookie rack into our bottom kitchen cupboard. In my haste I kept trying to shove it in, but it would not go in far enough for the cupboard door to close. I knelt down, a real challenge with my fake knees, to see what the problem was. On the right side of the cabinet was a long forgotten box of Reese’s Puff cereal, a relic of one of Tom’s (and mine if I am being honest) favorite breakfast cereals. Because we rarely use the pans in that cabinet and because the box was hidden far enough back that we do not see it when we open the cabinet, its been in there since before Tom died, so over 24 months.
It was difficult to pull the box out of the cabinet because it was jammed in place by the pans and racks, and when I finally did get it out, the box bore the scars of the pointy edges and corners of the other items in the cabinet. Its sell-by date is months before Tom’s death reiterating we bought it while he was still a loving presence in our home. With the majority of Tom’s personal items packed into storage almost two years ago and his remaining items placed in special and strategic places throughout the home, we do not expect to find new reminders of Tom at this point in our grief journey. Seeing it was jarring and wonderful at the same time.
I placed it on the dining room table before I left for work. When I got home for the day, I passed and looked at it every time I walked through the room contemplating what to do with it. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out, but I knew the contents were likely rancid at this point. When LJ arrived home from work he could not miss the box sitting on the table at the center of our home. I told him of finding it that morning and shared I was not sure what to do with it.
He asked me, “Why do we have to do anything with it? Why can’t we just put it back where it was?” Funny, I had not even considered that option, but it was the best solution to my conundrum. It was not hurting anything there, and it will be a nice reminder of our Tom-Tom whenever we get into that cabinet.
Not that we need a reminder of him as his absence is still felt every day.
