I’m not big on resolutions, because let’s be honest who actually remembers what theirs was last year? I’ve learned that if you want to actually make big changes, you have to set specific and attainable goals for yourself. I’ve heard people say, “My goal is to just be happy.” Well that is great but how in the heck are you going to measure that? And is your definition of happiness even attainable?
I am not sure I could provide you with a definition for happiness. What I can tell you about happiness and our quest to achieve it, is that guilt often acts as the biggest barrier. Oh boy do we survivors of a suicide loss understand what guilt is! As we ring in another year, I wanted to share with you my goal to turn guilt into gratitude.
It can become part of our routine. We end the day thinking about all that we failed to accomplish. We highlight the mistakes me made both in the present and in the past.
Let me start off by explaining the science behind gratitude. Actually, someone else can do it better so take a look at this video . Pretty amazing isn’t it? My favorite part of the video is when they are asked to take their gratitude one step further. Instead of just writing about it, they actually tell the person how grateful they are for them. I couldn’t help but think about the many times I stop at step 2. I think about who I am grateful for and what I am grateful for, but I don’t say it out loud. What is funny is that when it is the opposite, I tell everyone. I believe we refer to this as “venting.” Why can’t we “vent” about the good in our lives? So this year I decided to do something different. I just purchased this glass jar, and on both bad days and good days I am going to write down something I am grateful for. On the days I am stuck looking at the closed doors in front of me, I am going to read what has been written in my jar. I am also going to tell the people in my life how truly grateful I am for being there. At the end of the day do we have anything to lose? No, but we have so much to gain. Who is with me?
I am with you on this! Reading what you wrote about survivors of suicide struggling so naturally with guilt, made me feel understood. And when you add being a mother who is grieving the suicide of a beloved child, I am an expert at feeling guilt. So yes, I take the challenge of working on being grateful. Thank you for this challenge for 2018!
Happy to hear you have accepted the challenge! Wishing you a year filled with more gratitude and less guilt.
Count me in! I love this Jessica! It is easy to get stuck with all the negative feelings and guilt we survivors carry. Though it might take a little work, finding gratitude on a daily basis and communicating those positive feelings to others will bring us to a peaceful place and also show others how much they are appreciated. It is a win-win!
Thank you so much for this!!!
My brother committed suicide just under a month ago from a mental illness and I have been searching for online support group. I found it with this blog.
Thank you so much for this great idea to start the new year!
PS…I will be sharing this blog with family and friends as well. It’s so helpful!
Of course we wish it were under different circumstances, but so happy you found us! Wishing you a peaceful year ahead.