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Blissfully Ignorant

Kimberly A. Starr | November 25, 2019

As my husband and I sat parked in our car at one of my favorite locations to play Pokémon Go, I watched a young, smiling couple with their two children playing in the multicolored fallen leaves. I opened my passenger window to feel the warm, gentle breeze and smell the river nearby.

The mother raked up a pile of leaves with her hands and then placed her toddler in it to take her picture. At the same time, the father collected leaves and threw them in the air for the older sister to dance in. They all laughed and played together. I watched with joy rather than jealously, remembering the happiest of times when Tim and Tom were younger.

My heart welled up, and I reflected on how much I miss those days of innocence when life was full of delight with no hint of the struggles yet to come. I watched the family and wondered if they will they be prepared to face all of life’s vicissitudes.

Gracefully, a single leaf drifted into my open window, landing on my lap. It took my breath away, and I muttered, “Hello, Tom,” as the tears gushed from my eyes. In that moment, it was me and the boys playing in the warm, fall weather, blissfully ignorant of what was to come.

© 2019

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About Kimberly A. Starr

Kimberly A. Starr earned a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre from Whitman College and a Masters in Theatre Production from Central Washington University. After her son 16-year-old son, Tom, died by suicide in March 2015, she started writing as a way to process her feelings around her loss. Her pieces about her grief and the aftermath of her son's death have been published by The Mighty, Our Side of Suicide, The Ugly Shoes Club, The Compassionate Friends, and other national and international blogs and publications. She compiled the writings from the first 457 days of her loss into a book called, "457 Days; A Mother’s Journey Along Grief’s Path."

In addition, Starr owns StarrBright Suicide Prevention Presentations. After Tom’s death, she felt called to learn more about suicide and mental health conditions and now regularly presents research-based information in combination with her son’s writings to a broad range of audiences in hopes others will not experience the depth of pain involved in losing a loved one to suicide. She also presents about reducing stigma around mental health conditions and suicide by using best practice language. Previous audiences have included Pacific Northwest National Laboratory Wellness Program, students and staff at colleges and high schools, Kadlec Hospital, Washington State Day of Remembrance Conference for Gold Star Families, Rotary Clubs, Chambers of Commerce, and multiple mental health and suicide prevention summits.

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