Carrying on with life as usual after the loss of my dad to suicide was one of the most difficult challenges I have faced. I received four, I repeat four, days offs to mourn his death. 
Luckily, I had accumulated a good amount of vacation days, that allowed me to take a full two weeks off to go back to Colorado to bury my father. While I was surrounded by close friends and family in those first couple months, life still continued. I was not the same person that I was prior to my father’s suicide, yet I was expected to be. Grief is not an easy process. Trying to figure out who you are, and how you fit into this world is even harder. Has it gotten easier? Absolutely. Four and a half years later, I have redefined who I am, and what my purpose in this life is. However, getting to this point seemed impossible in that first year. Carrying on was my only goal. And truly, just carrying on was one of the most difficult tasks of the grief process.
I lost my boyfriend 2 months ago. I don’t know what I am supposed to do now.
I feel as though I am a robot just going through the day to day motions. I go to work because I have to.
I hate coming home to an empty, lonely, lifeless house. The weekends are horrible for me. I just do the know what to do next.
Sadie, You have to be patient and loving to yourself. It has only been two months. Try to do something for yourself every day. If you want to sit and watch t.v. all weekend, do it. I was were you were 18 months ago when I lost my brother to suicide. I remember asking a friend if I was always going to feel that way. I was so lucky to have her. She listen and was so understanding because she had been through it before. I can tell you it has a long and hard 18 months. I just had the first days in 18 months that I have not cried on my way home from work. I have been very fortunate that I could take a vacation days when I needed it the most. Our family lost a sister a year to the day my brother died. That was a double loss. Two weeks ago, my sister in law passed away from a five year battle with brain cancer. We’ve had so much loss. As the year and half has passed since my brother died, while I cannot say it’s easier, I can say that it isn’t so raw. I’ve started to find some joy almost every day. It may only be sitting outside in the sunshine for a hour. I still have my hard times. I still cry when I need to. Although now I’m able to enjoy reading, watching t.v. and going out a little. For me, I had to just remind myself that it was okay to have bad days. I gave myself permission to feel and do what I thought was best for me. There are some friends I haven’t seen or gone out with since he passed. I just told them I couldn’t. Most of them understand. I can talk on the phone, but find that I have more comfort at home. So that is what I do. There is not just one way to get through this. What works and helps for one person, doesn’t for another. You just have to find what is best for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you find your way. I am so sorry for your loss.
The US has a lot of work to do in that aspect. Suicide prevention starts with the survivors, but quite frankly, nothing is done for the survivors in this country. Where I am from, you get off as long as you need. Requires quite a bit of paperwork, but it’s possible. You can check yourself into rehab too. A friend of mine wasn’t able to work for 7 months after her partner died, she also received 7 weeks of inpatient rehabilitation and therapy. In this country, you don’t get off for crap and then we wonder why people are stressed out, burned out, depressed, angry, and get ill. Wonderful! *sarcasm*
You are absolutely correct. Our society views grief much differently than majority of other cultures!
Ha, the western world has no decent grief culture anyways. Nope, grief is viewed as something we better not engage too much in, as it makes you so depressed and then you are ill. Of course that’s a bunch of hogwash, no anti-depressant in the world is going to take away your pain, love, attention, and care of your fellow human beings does, but they turn away after a while, chasing happiness, can’t have anything negative in their lives. That’s how the grieving person feels isolated, alone, all the way to defective because they can’t perform as they used to.
After a suicide you can then listen to even more unrealistic crap e.g. but he/she wanted it, you got to get back out there, use your energy to help others (excuse me, who is helping me? I can barely help myself and now people want me to “go out there and do something, I couldn’t do in the first place?” Makes me feel like I did something wrong and I now have to somehow “fix it”. Not going to happen as there is nothing to fix. 🙁