Celebrating Father's Day without dad can be difficult for those who have lost a father to suicide. I still feel this sense of sadness when I visit the dreaded card aisle at our local pharmacy. As I pick out the cards for the fathers in my life, I am quickly reminded that there is one card I will not be purchasing. I have found this holiday to be particularly difficult. Not necessarily because my father is not here to celebrate, but because I am ...
The Heart vs. the Head after Losing Dad to Suicide
My father would have celebrated his 66th birthday this past January. As we have every year since the day he left this world, my sister and I post a message on his FaceBook page as a tribute to the man we called "Dad" for so many years. Many people "liked" this message, and commented about how they miss his audacious self. Among those comments lied one in particular that initially angered me. Yet, as I thought about it throughout the day I ...
Three Years After Losing Dad to Suicide
Three years ago today, I lost my father to suicide. As I write that I still feel this sense of disbelief as I question, "How could this have happened in my family?" It still just doesn't seem real. So much has happened in just three short years after losing dad to suicide.
Being a survivor is now a part of my story. It is not something I would have chosen to be a part of my story, but I suppose we do not always want the hand that is dealt ...
Frequent Dreams about my Dad after his Death
After my dad died, I remember wanting nothing more than to be “visited” by him in my dreams. I often heard other survivors talk about wonderful dreams they had experienced – some that helped them find closure or assurance that their loved one was now in a better place. It took quite a long time for me to experience a dream. I can’t remember what that first one was about, exactly, but I think it was something pretty random – like a flicker of ...
Book Review: “The Suicide Index” by Joan Wickersham
I recently bought several books related to suicide and depression and the first one I started reading was The Suicide Index by Joan Wickersham. It’s a great book—an “index” of everything related to her father’s suicide and her methodical process of trying to figure out his story and the reasons that made him end his life. She details the day of—from her dropping her son off at her in-laws, to how she’ll feel about seeing her Mom, to the emotions ...