There are a number of emotions that consume us after losing a loved one to suicide. We talk about pain, sadness, and guilt, but anger often gets swept to the side. It took me a long time to feel angry. I spent a great deal of time feeling overwhelming sadness knowing that my dad's pain was so great that suicide felt like his only option. How can you be angry with someone in that kind of pain? So when the anger hit me, I was left asking, "Why ...
Asking For What You Need After a Tragedy
As a survivor of a suicide loss and grief therapist, I have found that majority of survivors feel like the ground below them gives out 3-4 months after experiencing a tragedy by suicide. Not only does the reality and finality of the situation begin to set in, but the distractions start to end. The people who were once there for us begin to move on, often making us feel like they no longer care about the tragedy we have faced. People stop ...
Secondary Loss after a Suicide
We are all familiar with the pain that accompanies a loss by suicide. What we often do not talk about are the other relationships that are challenged or even broken after a suicide occurs. Secondary loss, as they are often referred to, are the losses that occur in addition to the person lost on that tragic day. We expect the people we trust the most to be our strength in the aftermath of such tragedy. When they do not give us what we need, ...
The Heart vs. the Head after Losing Dad to Suicide
My father would have celebrated his 66th birthday this past January. As we have every year since the day he left this world, my sister and I post a message on his FaceBook page as a tribute to the man we called "Dad" for so many years. Many people "liked" this message, and commented about how they miss his audacious self. Among those comments lied one in particular that initially angered me. Yet, as I thought about it throughout the day I ...
How could you abandon me? Life after Suicide.
I do not need to tell you how difficult life after suicide is. We are pulled in many directions as we try and make sense of what just happened. Our brain is put in overdrive as we try and conceptualize how this could have happened to us. We often talk about the anger and sorrow we feel in the aftermath of traumatic loss. Guilt and shame play a leading role in our grief story often impacting our ability to not only forgive our loved one, but ...