As survivors, I think we often underestimate our own strength. We fail to acknowledge our strength after loss. We are told by others how strong we are, but deep down inside we feel like we are falling apart. We are critical of ourselves, critical of the way we grieve. We often think we should be further along then we are. We beat ourselves down, overwhelmed with guilt wondering if there is more that we could have done to prevent our loved ...
How has it been Five Years?
It's been five years since I lost my dad to suicide. I often think to myself, "how has it been five years?" And that's when it hits me. That gut wrenching knot in my stomach reminding me that my dad took his life. A reminder that he's gone. A reminder that I will never again hear his voice or receive one of his hugs. Those hugs were best. Sometimes while talking to my husband I find myself asking him, "did that really happen?" Because it ...
Loss of Self after a Suicide
Suicide isn't just about the loss of life. It's about the loss of self that we as survivors experience after our loved one takes their life. New and powerful internal messages begin as we ask, "Why was I not good enough to live for?" This week we welcome Brandy, who discusses the shame and guilt she experienced after the loss of her mother to suicide.
On July 12, 1991, as a ten-year-old little girl, I walked into my home to find my mom’s ...
Silence is Golden
Silence is golden. Have you heard this popular quote? While this quote is fairly popular, silence is something that our society is often not comfortable with. We assume that silence is a bad thing, often interrupting these quiet moments with conversation. I know all too well the feeling of isolation that follow a death by suicide. Friends and family stop calling as they report not knowing what to say. So instead, they just say nothing. I ...
What I’ve Learned Years After My Dad’s Suicide
August marks four years since my dad took his life. Some days, it feels as fresh and raw as when I first learned of his death. On others, it seems like a lifetime ago. I still shake my head in disbelief when I think about my dad – my dad – making the decision to die this way. I remember sitting in my first few LOSS meetings listening to moderators who were five or ten years out from their loved one’s passing thinking, “you have no idea how I feel ...