In the four plus years since losing my dad to suicide, I have had a number of people ask me, "Did you see the signs?" For a long time I struggled with my response. The angry person in me wanted to say, "If I did do you think we would be having this conversation?" The guilty person in me wanted to say, "Yes, I did. I should have been able to stop him." The bitter person in me wanted to say, "In what world is that question appropriate?" As a ...
I Wasn’t Able to Prevent my Dad’s Suicide
After losing someone to suicide you can find yourself combing through every moment of the past, questioning whether you missed the signs. Every memory holds new meaning. What if I would have paid more attention that day? What if I would have questioned their thinking, or pointed out something that didn't seem right? Would they still be here today? Questions like this often contribute to the overwhelming presence of guilt we feel in the ...
Survivor’s Guilt after a Suicide
Powerless and helpless; two feelings that I don't think anyone enjoys experiencing. Anyone who has experienced a loss by suicide can agree that these two feelings contribute to the utter devastation you feel in the aftermath. Suicide does not just shake the ground a bit; it completely shatters the foundation. We are left feeling completely powerless and helpless.
In our state of powerlessness and helplessness we often find ourselves deep in ...
Did I really know my Dad? Life after Suicide
Life after suicide leaves you feeling unsettled as you question whether you knew the person you lost. The person that died that day looks nothing like the person you knew. How could I have not known? You often know the person you lost for the duration of either their life or your own. In that amount of time, you just assume you know exactly who that person is. But the truth is, we often don't truly know the person at all. Why is that?
A ...
What if I…Changing the way we think about Suicide
A struggle we all experience in the aftermath of our loved ones' suicide is wondering if we could have done anything differently to change the outcome. What if I would have called my loved one that day? What if I would have stopped by? What if I would have helped them get the assistance they needed? What if, what if, what if?! We have all been there. Some still are, as they try and figure out where it all went wrong. Here is the problem ...