I have written and asked over and over again, “Why was my love not enough to save my son, Tom?” And today the answer hit me. My love was not enough because mental illness is not about love. It is about biology. I am reminded of Amy Bleuel’s words, “It is a brain illness…” It is a physical illness which overtakes our bodies. Love is not enough to treat a broken bone or cancer or chronic pain or any other number of medical challenges we face. It is ...
Death Chose Him
I wrote this piece about 13 months after Tom died. It has been over four and a half years now since he passed. Although I no longer look for someone or something beyond his depression and anxiety on which to blame Tom's death, I still cringe when I hear people talk about suicide in stigmatizing ways. This piece reflects on how I finally framed and processed his death by ...
A Million Little Things
The minute I saw the preview for A Million Little Things , my heart sank. I sat there for a minute a little bewildered by my body's response. I write about suicide, I talk about suicide, and I counsel other survivors of a suicide loss. Why did this preview knock me off my feet? Why am I upset by a narrative that follows family and friends that have lost a loved one to suicide? Then it dawned on me. I was terrified that they would get it wrong. ...
Why do the Demons Win?
I was sitting with a client of mine the other day. She is a young woman who has experienced a significant amount of trauma, that has left her feeling chronically suicidal. It is always a tough place for me to be. Professionally, I know how the demons can lead you to a place where you feel like there is nothing left to live for. However, as a survivor of a suicide loss, I know the devastating pain that is left behind. Like all of my clients, she ...
“What were they Thinking?”
As a survivor of a suicide loss, I have found myself asking, "What were they thinking?" From a rational mindset, it is easy to look at someone's situation and find a number of less permanent solutions than suicide. This often complicates the grief process even more, as we desperately try to understand the mindset of the person we lost to suicide. I recently re-watched the below video of Kevin Hines, suicide attempt survivor and mental health ...