Why is it so hard to take a walk down memory lane? I spent the weekend immersed in packing, as we recently decided to move out of the house I swore would be my "forever home." I set a goal to go through all of the boxes in storage, swearing I would not have it hauled to another home. I knew exactly what was in the majority of the boxes. Baby items that are no longer needed, house decor that doesn't have a place, sporting equipment that hasn't ...
Don’t Stop Talking
Talking about our loved ones after their death is especially difficult after a suicide. Not only is it painful for the survivor of the loss, but we have the added bonus of the other persons discomfort. That "Oh my gosh, what do I say" face. I think the most frustrating thing for me is the feeling that I have after. This overwhelming sense that I need to defend my dad's character. I have a wide array of stories about my dad, and still to this ...
Celebrating after Suicide
Celebrating after suicide is difficult as we are reminded of our devastating loss. We get caught up telling the story of their death, limiting the time we spend talking about and celebrating the life they lived. Anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays become difficult as we are reminded that our loved one will not be present. On my own journey, I have found it easier to celebrate on these days. It reminds me of the life my father lived, and ...
How to Maintain a Relationship with the Deceased
In Monday's post, I talked about the importance of continuing your relationship with the person you lost to suicide. In the mental health field, this is referred to as continuing bonds. Essentially the idea of continuing bonds challenges the notion that we need to "let go" of the person we lost. As a grief therapist and survivor, I know this notion is simply not realistic. Take me for an example. I lost my dad, a man I knew from the day I ...
Did I really know my Dad? Life after Suicide
Life after suicide leaves you feeling unsettled as you question whether you knew the person you lost. The person that died that day looks nothing like the person you knew. How could I have not known? You often know the person you lost for the duration of either their life or your own. In that amount of time, you just assume you know exactly who that person is. But the truth is, we often don't truly know the person at all. Why is that?
A ...