I’m sure everyone has told you that this grief process is a roller coaster and your emotions will take over at any moment out of the blue. Some are obvious; when I was buying a Father’s Day gift for my father in law in June, I started balling at CVS as I read several cards that were perfect for my Dad.
One thing that caught me off guard several months ago was a smell that reminded me of my Dad. I was in the hallway outside of my bathroom and this strong smell of the medicine cabinet caught my attention. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a smell that I remember from my Dad’s medicine cabinet growing up. Nothing special…vitamins and band aids…an odd smell but it was so strong and I became overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry.
That’s the only time the smell has been that strong that I’ve smelled it outside of the bathroom–better yet, it’s the first time I thought about that smell in years. I took it as a sign from my Dad. Every now and then, when I’m brushing my teeth, I’ll open the medicine cabinet, stick my nose in, and take a deep breath. It reminds me of my Dad and for a moment, I feel like he’s with me and that smell gives me comfort.
Signs sure are everywhere. I wrote my Dad an email the other day and told him I need his guidance. The next day I was at my neighbor’s house and he started talking about believing in one’s self, if you believe you can do it, you will. He talked about moving forward. It hit me, I thought, “this has to be my Dad, giving me what I asked for.”
I love that you write your Dad e-mails! I have never done that, but Jessica at LOSS always recommends that writing is such a good way at expressing your feelings to a loved one.
I experienced a powerful olfactory sign from my dad very recently as well… he used to always make homemade pizzas using a very special (i.e. thrown together yet somehow complex and scientific) collection of spices and herbs. Though my siblings and I have tried, we’ve never quite been able to replicate the smells and tastes that we used to get when we’d make pizzas at our childhood house with him (in our childhood and up until the time of his death). When both of my sibs were in town recently, we did a round of pizzas- as is routine with us- and mixed in the spices haphazardly as we are apt to do. Halfway through the baking process we all looked at each other simultaneously and said some version of “this smells like dad’s pizzas”… it was a very special moment. I can also empathize and relate to smelling medicine cabinets and seeing one’s dad… maybe it’s a dad-thing! 🙂
Patrick, that’s such an awesome sign 🙂 I think of your Dad a lot too—not too long ago your sister had a FB status up, and it said that your Dad always used to say “Hold on to your Butts!” (from Jurassic Park). Anyway, Chris loves that movie and we saw it in 3D not too long ago… and since reading Erin’s post I say that phrase more and more and think of your Dad.