Surviving a Tragedy in the Online Age

Whether it’s a suicide or another type of horrific tragedy, experiencing the public-facing death of a loved one in today’s online age is something I wish upon no one. It’s enough to experience the trauma and another to see complete strangers interjecting with their unwelcome opinions. This is something we didn’t face years ago and it can add an entirely new component to grief recovery.

I cringe when I see media reporting on suicides and posting the stories on their Facebook or Twitter pages. It prompts an open invitation for ruthless and hurtful comments, which the family shouldn’t have to see. (I always hope they don’t.) I try my best to avoid reading the comments, but I can’t help myself. I think a part of me wants to see the supportive things people have to say, or if they relay their own experiences. But, that’s the minority.

It can be especially difficult for those who had a loved one go missing with calls put out for their hopeful return. It draws an audience and then, in some cases, it’s later reported that the person was found to be a victim of suicide. The whole community (and beyond) becomes a part of the story and it can leave survivors feeling exposed, vulnerable and unsure of how to respond. This is similar to what I experienced with the loss of my dad. Because so many people in my town were aware of the circumstances, there was no way I could hide what happened or change the story for my own comfort.

This destructive online chatter happens even outside of suicide. I feel especially bad for parents today. Now that I am one, I tend to follow a lot of parenting and mom blogs. I feel terrible every time an incident is reported in the media involving a child because everyone suddenly feels entitled to write a post about it with their stance. Whatever happened is only the business of the family (in most cases) and now, these parents likely have to encounter these posts from complete strangers. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I have personally committed to not commenting on traumatic news stories, sharing them or weighing in with my own opinion unless it’s positive because that’s what I would have appreciated in my own situation. It’s hard since we do now live in such a digital environment and it’s so easy to make comments and move on without thinking about their impact. I always think of the victims and how what they really do need is privacy and respect for whatever it is they are facing. I think that as survivors we are much more aware of this than others would be.

Related posts:

Facing the Discomfort of Tragedy I Learned My Dad Died on Facebook Coping with Highly-Publicized Suicides Difficulty Hearing About Other Suicides