Lately, I have been thinking about a segment of survivors who are not discussed or supported nearly enough: those who have attempted suicide. While I fall under the “survivor of suicide” category for experiencing my dad’s death, I know there are others who have survived by living to talk about their own attempt(s).
Survivors of a suicide attempt are in a unique and often foreign place of acceptance by society. I’ve seen this firsthand with a friend and we recently received a message from a reader who is troubled by the casual use of the phrase “survivor of suicide” by all. I empathize with the pain and anger this writer was feeling over what I considered a trivial term. I certainly didn’t make it up, but I adopted it when it was used in my support groups.
I remember feeling horrified and dismayed when a friend told me her loved one who had attempted suicide was turned away from a survivor support group “because it would make everyone feel uncomfortable.” When they asked if there was another group they should attend, it was suggested they start their own. This is unacceptable. There was literally nowhere for them to go. I understand that an attempted suicide can bring with it emotional and physical scars, a public police and mental health record, few resources and the loss of friends or family relationships, among many other effects. That is a lot to survive and I don’t know the half of it.
Coincidentally, as I was thinking through this post, I noticed the American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention announced their new resources directed specifically at those who have attempted suicide (click here to review them). This is a topic that has lagged behind in the suicide conversation but it now seems to be picking up steam. As with all topics related to suicide, it will take time for acceptance and resources to reach anywhere near the level they should be. However, I think this is a sign of great progress.
At the end of the day, I am going to keep referring to myself as a survivor, simply because I don’t know what else to use. (All ideas welcome!) But, to address the commenter and anyone who has survived a suicide (by the loss of a loved one or an attempt), I support you. Just as no one can truly understand how I feel about suicide loss until they’ve been through it, I know that I can’t fully grasp what it’s like to live on as an attempted suicide survivor. I support you and I hear you.
Suicide is a storm that forces many different people under an umbrella, each with their own experience and perspective. It’s something that can – and does – affect us in a variety of ways. We’ve all weathered it in some capacity and can appreciate its force. My hope is that survivors of a suicide attempt feel the compassion and support they need and deserve.
I completely agree with your comments. We need to keep in mind that words like “survivor” are just labels. We need to look beyond these labels. Although they are common and necessary anyone touched by suicide or attempted suicide all deal with so many personal issues. Support in any form is wonderful and necessary.
With my grief for my 30 yr old son, 2 yrs ago, who had ,committed suicide. I guess I forgot the people that have tried. They need this group more than anyone. If they can get help by listening to our stories and the results of suicide, maybe they’d reconsider. And find an alternate form of therapy, than taking their lives. We are in this situation together. Therese Brazee
As i was reading this, i can’t help my tears from falling, as i remember my brother died of suicide in January 7 2014 😥😥😥😥
As when some people may judge it, i just keep my mouth shut, in my mind, they do not know the whole story.
My boyfriend or fiancé committed suicide and his family and friends blame me. Cut my face out of all the pictures at the funeral. I live in a small town and within two weeks people were telling me oh get over it or I should be over by now. I didn’t pull the trigger. I wasn’t even there I lost my job because we weren’t married so I got no time off for funeral or grieving. I just can’t find joy anymore except when I’m in church. I’m never going to get over this. I will never be myself again. I just try to survive myself one more day.
Tammy, I am so sorry for your loss. With suicide, people are so quick to try and find closure or something to blame, but unfortunately there just isn’t an appropriate target. It’s too uncomfortable to blame the mental illness or particularly the individual themselves. It can often fall on the next closest person and this is a fault in our society. It’s something I face in my family as well. I am truly sorry you are experiencing this. Are you getting additional help?